The Fear of Leadership

For the longest time, I was fearful of stepping into a leadership role. I doubted my abilities, convinced that I didn’t have what it took to guide others. Part of that fear came from the toxicity I had witnessed in previous workplaces from leaders who abused their power, ignored the needs of their teams, and fostered environments of fear and competition. I didn’t want to become that. I didn’t want to let anyone down or add to the hurt others had experienced and I realized over time that my fear was holding me back. Instead of avoiding leadership, I needed to redefine what it meant to lead so through prayer, self-reflection, and guidance, I shifted my mindset. Leadership, I learned, isn’t about control it’s about being of service to others and leading by example while creating a space where people feel valued and supported. This revelation became the cornerstone of my healing and growth. 

Knowing When to Walk Away

The turning point came when I realized that the toxic work environment, I was in wasn’t just affecting me it was also affecting my daughter. The stress and burnout left me with little energy to be present for her. I would come home exhausted, emotionally drained, and short-tempered, unable to give her the love and attention she deserved. I knew something had to change when I found myself dreading not just my workday, but every moment that came after it. I was losing myself in a job that didn’t value me, and the cost was too high. Walking away wasn’t easy. It meant stepping into the unknown, leaving behind financial stability, and starting over. But it also meant reclaiming my peace, my joy, and my time. When I finally made the decision to quit, it felt like a weight had been lifted. 

Healing Through Faith 

Leaving the toxic environment was just the first step. Healing from it required me to address the wounds it left behind. I turned to my faith and began a deeper spiritual journey, seeking God’s guidance to help me process my pain and find peace. Through prayer, I asked for the strength to forgive not just the people who had hurt me, but also myself for staying in that environment for so long. I didn’t want to carry resentment towards my past coworkers or bosses, as that bitterness would only harm me in the long run. I also started journaling, meditating, and spending time in nature, using these practices to reconnect with myself and God. The more I leaned into my faith; the more clarity I gained about my purpose and what kind of leader I wanted to be. 

Becoming a Leader by Example 

As I healed, I found myself drawn back to the idea of leadership not as a title, but as a way to inspire others. I realized that my past experiences, as painful as they were, had equipped me with the empathy and wisdom needed to lead with integrity. I began leading by example, focusing on kindness, open communication, and fairness. Today, I am proud to say that I am a leader who is rooted in faith and purpose. I’ve learned that leadership isn’t about perfection; it’s about authenticity, vulnerability, and the willingness to grow alongside your team. It has taught me so much about myself and the kind of life I want to create. Here are a few lessons I’ve carried with me:

1. You Deserve Better: Point Blank Period! No job is worth sacrificing your mental health, your family, or your peace. 

2. Faith Heals: Turning to God and trusting in His plan gave me the strength to forgive, heal, and move forward. 

3. Leadership is Service: True leadership is about lifting others up, not tearing them down. 

4. Forgiveness Frees You: Letting go of resentment is the greatest gift you can give yourself. 

Moving Forward with Purpose 

Looking back, I am grateful for the challenges I faced. They pushed me to grow, rely on my faith, and to step into my purpose as a leader. The previous toxic work environments that once held me down is now a part of my story, but it no longer defines me. 

If you’re reading this and struggling in a similar situation, know that there is hope. God always qualifies the called and you always have the power to walk away, to heal, and to build a life that aligns with your values. Trust the journey, lean into your faith, and never be afraid to lead by example. Your healing is your power, and your story is just beginning. -Jontai